been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
