got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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