dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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