OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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