I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
