Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
