Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
