The maid of honor just puked.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
