We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
