I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
