My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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