Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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