So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
