he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I love you.
Bad choice
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