How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My balls are so social today.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The adults are the big ones right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
