So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
