i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
