Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
