she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
