I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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