Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
