yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
