I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
