so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
