Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
