This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
