Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
