my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
