i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
