You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
