Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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