I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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