It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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