I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
