I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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