We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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