i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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