He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
