STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
