Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
