I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
