apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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