I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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