Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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