Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
