oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
