Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
