the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
