Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
