Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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