dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
