I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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