if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
